


Boys that glitter love the dark

by Ischa



Series: Bogeyways [3]
Category: Adam Lambert (Musician), My Chemical Romance, Panic At The Disco
Genre: Big Bang Challenge, Bogeyman, Crossover Pairings, Gen, M/M, Supernatural Elements
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-09-06
Updated: 2012-09-06
Packaged: 2017-11-13 17:11:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 15,523
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/505821
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ischa/pseuds/Ischa
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Kind of a tour-fic in which Adam Lambert is the singer of My Chemical Romance because Mikey and Gerard are bogeymen living in Brendon's closet.</p><p>  <i>“You told Adam I am a virgin?!”</i><br/><i>“I wanted to tell him that you are a bogeyman living in my closet, but somehow that didn't make it out of my mouth – and that was the best next thing?” Brendon ventured.</i><br/><i>Mikey was laughing so hard he had tears in his eyes. That traitor.</i></p>
            </blockquote>





	Boys that glitter love the dark

**Author's Note:**

> Beta by the lovely stones_at_moons.  
> [MIX](http://anonym.to/?http://scarimonious.chaotic-creative.com/fanmixes/Glitter.zip) by dwg.  
> Set in the same verse as Midnight Conversations and Night Hours.

~1~  
“Your stalker was standing on the sidelines again,” Frank said, flopping down gracelessly on the saggy couch.

Adam laughed, wiping sweat from his face. The make-up was smudged to hell and back by now anyway. It had been just that kind of show. “He's not a stalker.”

Frank gave him a look that told Adam he was being an idiot for not taking this shit seriously. Thing was, Frank didn't take it seriously either. Adam rolled his eyes at him and threw the towel in his face as well, for good measure.

“He has obviously a crush on you,” Lyn-Z said, stripping out of her wet t-shirt. Frank leered at her, but he didn't mean it. She threw her boot at him. She missed, but only because she hadn't wanted to hit him. She could aim, if she meant it.

“A thousand kids have a crush on Adam,” Ray said reasonably. Adam might love Ray the most. At least in this second.

“Yeah,” Adam replied.

“Yeah,” Frank echoed and grinned. “Not one of them can get as close as that Panic singer.”

“He has a band?” Ray asked. “I didn't realise.”

“Best thing to do. His band is- what is that word that I'm looking for Tommy?”

“Pretentious,” Tommy said.

“Nope,” he snapped his fingers, sitting up. “Crappy.”

“The drummer isn't half bad,” Bob threw in.

“You only say that because he's a drummer.”

Bob lit a cigarette and Frank made grabby hands at him. Bob sighed, but handed the cigarette over. He lit another one. “He isn't half bad,” Bob repeated.

“Maybe you should go over and say hi or something,” Lyn-Z said. She was putting on clean, dry clothes. The green shirt was Frank's. Adam was pretty sure.

“Maybe he won't faint,” Frank snickered and Ray laughed.

“That happened one time!” Adam answered, fed up. “I'm gonna find some coffee.”

“Now?”

“You're gonna get mopped,” Ray said.

“I am tall,” Adam answered reasonably.

Ray nodded. “Yeah. You are.”

~+~  
It was dark outside, but still hot. Adam couldn't even fathom how other bands dealt. Those that didn't play in the evenings. Because that sun thing? That sucked. He made his way to the bus to grab some fresh clothes and then to find the coffee-stand..

He got lost somewhere on his way back. He just knew he was lost – again. Frank was going to freaking mock. Tommy probably too. He was ready to face it (cellphone in hand to call and ask for directions) when someone, something caught his eyes. At first he thought it was a shadow, but it moved weirdly. He clutched his paper-cup a bit harder to his chest without really realising it.

Something like a childhood terror took hold of him and he closed his eyes for a second. What the fuck? He was a grown man. He didn't fear shadows in a parking lot for god's sake.

“Lost?” a soft voice said.

Adam nearly lost the hold on his paper-cup with lukewarm coffee. And maybe his heart skipped a beat or whatever. “Is it that obvious?” he asked.

The shadow stepped closer and morphed into a boy. Pale face, dark clothes and hellfire red hair. He smiled. “People get lost here all the time.”

Adam didn't think he had seen that boy before. What was he even doing here? Lurking in the shadows. “You with a band?”

“Yeah, you can say that? I don't make music, although.” He produced a pack of smokes out of his hoodie and lit one.

A roadie, Adam thought and breathed easier. Those guys knew their way around a venue. At least better than Adam. But that wasn't hard. Adam had the worst sense of direction ever.

“I'm trying to get back to the My Chem bus,” Adam said.

The boy nodded and the shadows around him too, or something like that. Maybe Adam was being tired and stupid and things and stuff. He had no idea what it was. “I know where it is.”

“Great,” Adam said. He wasn't freaked out or anything, but something about this boy was weird. And he knew that was rich coming from him, because he called himself a freak on his good days.  
“Follow me-”

“Into the dark,” Adam finished and the boy smiled at him exhaling smoke. Adam had no idea why he had said it. “I-”

“It's okay. It is dark. Everywhere,” the boy answered, saving Adam the trouble to come up with something sane and smart to say. “I like it,” he added as he started walking.

“What? The Darkness?” Adam wanted to know, falling in step with him.

“Yes,” the boy answered.

They didn't talk much on the way to Adam's bus. Adam was stealing glances at the boy. It seemed to him like there was no recognition whatsoever. This boy had really no freaking clue who Adam was – or he didn't care. Maybe this wasn't his music.

“Here we are,” he said turning around and Adam could have sworn that the darkness expanded and then retreated again. For a second, a heartbeat or shorter, it looked like a big black bird: painted in shadows on the dark surface of the bus.

“Thanks,” Adam said quietly.

“No problem,” the boy replied already turning to leave.

“Hey?”

“Yeah?”

“What's your name?”

“Gerard,” the boy answered. He smiled again, like he couldn't help it and waved a bit dorkily Adam found it freaking charming. He waved back.

~+~  
“You smell like smoke,” Lyn-Z said as he entered the bus.

Frank sniffed his clothes and Adam swatted at him. He put his paper-cup on the small table and sat down. “I don't smoke.”

“We know,” Frank answered with a shit-eating grin.

It dawned on Adam then. “I didn't hook up!”

“You were out awfully long for just a cup of coffee,” Tommy remarked.

Bob turned up the volume on his iPod. Adam loved Bob, because Bob just simply didn't give a fuck about Adam's hook-ups, or not-hook-ups. As Adam hadn't been hooking up with people. At all lately.

“I just went out for coffee-” Adam started, but was interrupted by Tommy.

“Does it count as after-sex smoke too?”

“Fuck you.”

“You wish,” Tommy answered.

Adam rolled his eyes at his guitarist and decided to keep the meeting with Gerard to himself.

 

~2~  
“You're being creepy,” Mikey said, exhaling smoke.

Brendon didn't look away from his laptop. “I'm in best company then.”

“You're being creepy too, Gee,” Mikey said.

Gerard did turn away from the laptop to look at his brother. Brendon could feel the silky darkness his clothes were made of brush his arm as he did it. “But look at him!” Gerard replied and gestured with his hands like a crazy person.

“I've seen him. I am forced to watch you two being creepy stalkers,” he gave Brendon a look.

Brendon ducked his head. “I just like to see him perform.”

“Right,” Mikey answered. He wasn't buying it and Brendon couldn't blame him. Mikey in contrast to Gerard understood the feeling of wanting someone. Brendon had the feeling things like wanting to be with people, except for Mikey and Brendon, weren't very high on Gerard's list.

“He has the worst sense of orientation,” Gerard threw in.

Brendon looked at him. “What? How do you know?”

“He gets lost all the time,” Gerard answered. “I've seen him wandering around.”

“When you were hiding in the shadows for fun or what?”

Gerard shrugged. “It is my natural habitat. And the shadows, the darkness, between the buses have a certain quality I like.”

Sometimes all of it still managed to freak Brendon out. On some days, nights, he could forget that Gerard and Mikey weren't human. They made it easy to pretend too.

Gerard leaned against the bed-frame and exhaled slowly. Brendon switched off the laptop. He bit his lip and then nudged Gerard gently in the ribs. “So how is he?”

“Nice,” Gerard said.

“Nice?”

“Nice. He asked my name, but didn't offer to share his coffee.”

“And you call that nice?” Mikey asked. He wasn't sitting, but standing in front of them, looking down.

“You told me that humans don't always share with strangers. That in fact they don't like to share with strangers at all.”

Mikey nodded. Brendon remembered that conversation vividly. Gerard had argued that children did like to share with strangers. But then Gerard always thought that children were real people, which, they were. Gerard connected with children on some weird level. Brendon didn't ever see anyone else to understand kids like that. Maybe it was because Gerard had hung around children for centuries or longer, knew their fear and how to overcome it. He watched and learned until he couldn't take it anymore and quit his job as a bogeyman.

“I think he would share with you under other circumstances,” Mikey said. His voice was thoughtful. Brendon wasn't sure if he liked where Mikey was going with this. On the other hand, Gerard wasn't interested in being with people like that. Gerard liked the sheer joy and the lust for life about Adam. It was something he could connect with. Liked connecting with.

Brendon exhaled slowly to get his mind back on track. “You wanna see him again?”

Gerard turned his head slightly, very slowly (and that used to freak Brendon out big time when he was a kid) and the nodded. “Yeah.”

“Try not to give him a heart attack, okay?” Mikey said.

Gerard smiled. “Will do.”

~+~  
“You need to stop doing this,” Frank said from behind and Brendon nearly jumped. Frank Iero was talking to him. He turned and stared.

Frank rolled his eyes and took a deep drag of his cigarette. “I get that you're having a crush on our singer, but stalking is not cool. He has enough problems as it is. He doesn't need you on top of that.”

“I-”

“I don't want to hear your excuses, kid,” Frank cut in. “Heard it all.”

Brendon felt his skin going red. Blood rushing too fast.

Frank exhaled smoke slowly. “Stop loitering around, understood?”

“Sorry,” Brendon answered quietly.

“Great,” Frank said and left.

Brendon was looking after him as he made his way back to – well, Brendon had no idea, actually. Maybe his bus, maybe someone else's bus, maybe to jump on Bob.

He felt young and stupid and like he’d done something wrong. And maybe he had.

~+~  
“You didn't,” Mikey said in his no nonsense voice. “The way he behaves? He wants people to look at him. He likes it. That Frank dude is a douche and he's the one with the problem.” Mikey was angry, but trying to keep it in. Brendon watched the darkness, the shadows on the wall forming twisted trees with things hanging from them. He looked away. The truth was, that he didn't know what a bogeyman could do. His bogeymen only scared him, but bogeymen in movies could do all kinds of nasty things to people. He could shrug it off with one word: Hollywood, but somehow it still made him wonder.

“You said I was being creepy,” Brendon answered.

“Yeah, but that doesn't mean this little guitarist can make you feel bad about liking someone. And it's not like you were hanging around him or whatever. For god's sake, it was _Gerard_ who talked to him.”

Gerard looked up from the paper he was creating a masterpiece on and at them. “He didn't seem like he minded me walking him to his bus,” Gerard threw in. Brendon glanced down on the paper. It was a drawing of Adam. Of freaking course. It looked fierce too. And there was glitter. Glitter and darkness.

“No one would mind you walking them somewhere,” Brendon muttered, Mikey smiled at him. Brendon smiled back.

“Maybe you should speak about it with Adam,” Gerard said, adding a winged shadow to the drawing. Not like an angel's wings, more like something vaguely wing shaped. Maybe it was only Brendon's human brain that translated the shape into something he knew.

“No way am I going near Adam Lambert,” Brendon said.

Mikey sighed. “Maybe Spencer should give that little guitarist a piece of his mind,” he threw in.

“You're not going to tell Spencer for fuck's sake!” Brendon exploded. No way in hell were they going to Spencer with this. If Ryan heard about it, it might end in bloodshed. Or it could break Ryan's hear. What with him being a fan since he could remember. After all it had been Ryan who made Brendon listen to My Chem in the first place.

“Brendon-”

“Frank is only looking out for Adam,” Brendon interrupted Mikey.

Mikey snorted. “Frank looking out for Adam? Are you kidding? Adam is twice his size.” Which wasn't true, but yeah, Mikey had a point nevertheless.

“We're not telling my band – or Pete,” he said with finality. “Can I fill in the black wings?” he asked Gerard and Gerard nodded, handing him the black pen.

 

~3~  
It wasn't that Adam was looking for Gerard or whatever. He was just- yeah, right. He was looking for that roadie with the fierce red hair and pale skin. Partly, because Adam liked pretty things, partly because there was something so out there and still overly natural about Gerard. And that was intriguing. Also he had asked around a bit and no roadie he spoke to could remember Gerard. There was essentially no roadie that fit Gerard's description. Adam knew he didn't make him up. Frank had smelled the smoke on Adam's clothes for fuck's sake!

He sat down on a bench and looked up at the dark sky. It was getting chilly and maybe he should go back to the hotel. Thing was, he wasn't feeling like going back to the hotel and his band.

“Lost again?” a voice asked and Adam nearly jumped. Where did he come from?

“What the fuck? You wanna scare me to death?”

Gerard smiled sheepishly. “I'm trying not to scare people anymore.”

“You used to scare a lot of people?” Adam asked, teasing a bit.

“Thousands. Maybe more. I lost count,” Gerard answered. He was pale hands and face in a sea of moving darkness. Adam blinked and Gerard's body got contour. “Can I sit down?”

“Sure,” Adam answered and watched Gerard light a cigarette. Gerard kept his distance on the bench. Adam wasn't sure if it was weird or not. Usually he was all for respecting the personal space bubble, especially when the bubble in question was his own. “I am,” he said after a while.

“What?”

“Lost,” Adam answered. He was sure he could make his way back to the hotel, but he was also sure that he would at least take a wrong turn twice trying.

“I can walk you to your hotel later,” Gerard answered.

“How do you even know where I'm staying?”

“Brendon is staying at the same hotel. I bet your rooms are nicer.”

“Brendon?” Adam asked, it didn't ring a bell with him.

Gerard nodded, but kept quiet, smoking. Adam watched his lips out of the corner of his eye. “I saw you singing,” Gerard said after a while.

“You liked what you saw?” Adam was flirting, he totally was. He didn't mean to, but sometimes it just happened. Not that often anymore now that he was semi-famous, but still. It happened. It was happening right now.

Gerard nodded again and then he turned and Adam did too, so they could look at each other. Gerard was smiling around his cigarette. He took a drag and put the smoke out on the pavement. “When you're up there it's like you're not even human-”

“What?” Adam laughed.

“I mean that in a good way,” Gerard answered earnestly. “You seem to melt with the light and shadows around you. You just come undone like you're trying to be one with-” Gerard waved his hands helplessly looking obviously for a word to describe what he meant.

“The universe,” Adam finished quietly.

“Yes,” Gerard said softly.  
Adam closed his eyes. No one ever got it like Gerard just did. Adam could hear him light another cigarette and opened his eyes. “I should walk you back now,” he said.

Adam didn't want to go, but Gerard was already getting up.

So he followed Gerard. It wasn't far, but the way Gerard took was pitch-black. Adam could barely make the way out. He stumbled and Gerard grabbed his arm, kept his fingers there as they were walking until they were in front of the hotel.

Adam thought for a minute that the bulb was out in front of it, but it was just dimmed, or something. The shadows on the pavement and wall were strange shapes. Like wings at his feet.

“We're here,” Gerard said, he crushed his cigarette under the heel of his boot and started walking up to the lobby.

“Gerard?”

“Yes?” he asked, turning slightly. There was something wrong with that movement, something about his neck, Adam thought. He shook his head and the picture was gone. “You're not a roadie, are you?”

“I never said I was, Adam,” Gerard answered with a smile and disappeared into the building.  
When Adam reached the door there was no trace of Gerard.  
Maybe, Adam thought, maybe he was losing it after all.

~+~  
“You look pale,” Ray said. Adam flopped down on Ray's bed and crossed his arms over his stomach.

“I always look pale.”

“No, not like that. You and freaking Jared Leto think you're vampires, but this is different-”

“You look like you've seen a ghost,” Lyn-Z finished the sentence.

Adam didn't even wonder why she was in Ray's room. He turned his head slightly to look at her. She was dripping water onto the floor and only wearing a towel. Her toe-nails were purple. Adam liked purple, he should ask her if he could borrow that nail-polish.

“I met this guy,” Adam said. He was glad it was only Ray and Lyn-Z in the room. Frank would've made some sleazy comment on how meeting meant hooking-up. Which wasn't totally untrue, but it wasn't like Adam was only having meaningless sex either.

“Go on,” Lyn-Z encouraged. She sat down next to Adam and he wondered briefly if she was wearing underwear. Probably not.

“We talked and he walked me to the bus and here because I got lost.”

“You always get lost,” Ray said.

Adam ignored it. He knew that too. Thank you very much. “I thought he was a roadie, you know?”

“I get he isn't,” Lyn-Z threw in.

“No. I am not even sure my insomniac brain didn't make him up. No one else seems to know he even exists,” Adam finished frustrated.

“What?”

“You made up your perfect man?”

“I'm not sure he's a man, neither is he perfect. He has really weird teeth. Small and sharp looking.”

“What?” Lyn-Z said and she was laughing. At him. It would be funny if it weren't him, he supposed.

“I don't even know,” Adam answered.

“You need to sleep more,” Ray said.

It was hard to argue whit that. They all needed more sleep. “Can I sleep here?” he asked. He was feeling like all his (so desperately displaced, battled) childhood nightmares were lurking in the shadows of his hotel room all of a sudden. Ready to pounce and – he stopped the thought right there. He wasn't five anymore turning the lights on because Neil was seeing creepy things in the shadows, but he knew he didn't want to be alone.

Ray took one look at him and nodded. “Sure.”

“I'll leave you to your manly heart to heart.”

“Lyn-Z?”

“Yeah?” she asked at the door.

“Can I borrow that nail-polish?”

She laughed and closed the door. That was a maybe.

~+~  
Despite her mocking words there wasn't much talking happening after she left. Ray put Adam to bed and Adam had been trying not to breathe too loudly. The shadows weren't creeping towards the bed. He knew they weren't, but he still closed his eyes tight and stared to count. Not sheep, he was just counting until he fell asleep.

The next morning at breakfast Tommy took one look at Adam, handed him coffee – bless Tommy, Adam thought – and said: “I've seen him.”

“Who?”

“Your guy,” Tommy answered. Adam knew Tommy and Tommy wasn't telling him something. He would have to ask Tommy later. For now it was good enough to know that Adam didn't make Gerard up.  
He wasn't losing it after all.

 

~4~  
Brendon was still lurking around in the shadows, but that was okay, Gerard was right there with him. In the darkness that Gerard carried around like a cloak, they could both hide pretty well.

“I like his hair and make-up,” Brendon whispered.

“Boys that glitter love the dark,” Gerard answered and Brendon looked away from the stage for a bit to look at Gerard. Sometimes it was pretty scary how insightful Gerard was. Because of course boys that glitter would like the dark. It made them just that much more luminous. And boy was Adam glittering.

“Ryan said we should wear make-up on stage, Jon isn't so sure.”

“Jon is very manly,” Gerard whispered back.

“He is.”

“But I think Ryan would look good with it. I could do it.”

“Crows,” Brendon said, because Ryan liked Tim Burton.

“Ravens and scarecrows,” Gerard answered. He was already sketching it out. Brendon could see movement in the shadows around them. Big black birds taking flight.

“Bats,” Brendon breathed.

“Bats,” Gerard said and the shadows on the wall changed.

Brendon watched Gerard play and rearrange until the music changed and the shadows collapsed. There was something angry about the darkness now. Brendon was feeling angry too and hoped that Ryan was too busy making out with girls to be here and see this, listen to this. It wasn't Adam singing, it was Lyn-Z and Frank, and they were butchering Ryan's song. Brendon looked to the stage. He couldn't see Adam. It didn't matter. They were a band, decisions were made together. Adam was in on it.

“Gerard?” Brendon asked softly.

The darkness curled around them tightly. “I want to go back home,” Gerard answered.

~+~  
It would have been too much to ask, Brendon realised as soon as he and Gerard were back in the hotel.

Spencer was seething. Ryan was sitting on the floor sharing a joint with Jon, but even Jon didn't look cool or like he didn't care. The thing was that Ryan was wearing his heart on his sleeve or whatever. Brendon was only singing about all the fuck-ups, but Ryan had lived them. All the pain, that was real.

“I'm gonna kill that little shit,” Spencer said. He was holding a mug of coffee and Gerard looked in his direction. Mikey was nowhere to be seen. Maybe he was with Pete. Pete took an interest in Mikey as soon as Brendon had introduced them. His band didn't know what the deal with Gerard and Mikey was, they didn't know why the brothers were living with Brendon. Brendon figured they just assumed this was how Brendon dealt with losing his family. Being raised amongst a million siblings and then being kicked out, living alone. Everyone of them dealt differently with shit that happened before they got out of Vegas and on the road.

“That wouldn't solve anything, except landing you in jail for murder,” Jon said.

Spencer looked sharply at him and then at Gerard. He sighted. “Here, it isn't too hot anymore.” He handed the mug with coffee over.

“I don't care. We didn't take coffee with us when we went to see Adam sing,” he answered and then took a big sip.

“You saw that _live_?” Ryan wanted to know. Brendon nodded. He did see it live. It had been humiliating.

“It wasn't Adam,” Gerard said.

“It doesn't matter!” Spencer exploded.

Gerard sat down on the floor and looked up at Spencer, who was the only one besides Brendon still standing. Spencer didn't like to sit still when he was angry.  
“He's nice, Spencer,” Gerard said calmly.

“Sometimes I think you're retarded!”

“Spencer!” Ryan and Brendon shouted at the same time. Spencer looked away, running a hand through his hair.

“I'm sorry,” he said.

“It's okay-”

“It's not,” Ryan interrupted Gerard. And Brendon nodded, it was not.

“He didn't mean it,” Gerard said.

“It's still not okay,” Ryan answered. He leaned his head against the wall and closed his eyes. He didn't want to deal with this, Brendon could tell. Hell, Brendon didn't want to deal with this either.  
The only one who wanted to march up there and demand retribution was Spencer. And probably Mikey if he already heard, but if Pete knew, then Mikey knew too.

“I'll talk to Adam the next time I see him,” Gerard said into the tense silence. Brendon didn't think that that was a helpful comment right now, but he kept that to himself.  
Jon looked at Gerard and then gave Brendon a look. Brendon shrugged. He didn't know either what was going on in Gerard's head on some days. He suspected that only Mikey really knew Gerard. Maybe bogeymen weren't meant to be understood by men.  
He sat down next to Gerard and leaned his head on Gerard's shoulder. Gerard sighed in content.

~+~  
“He's afraid of spiders,” Spencer said. Mikey was listening, not making notes, but it was a close thing. He had this look of utter concentration on his pale face. If you knew how to look for it you could see a rainbow of expressions on Mikey's face.  
He and Pete had seen it together. Needless to say that Mikey wasn't very amused. “Big, fat, hairy spiders,” Spencer repeated.  
Mikey nodded.  
This just couldn't be good and Gerard was nowhere to be found. He was probably looking for Adam. Apparently Adam got lost a lot and Gerard knew how to find things, because he knew how to make things disappear. It frightened Brendon a bit: the whole making things disappear business. Mikey was good at manipulating the shadows, the darkness, at commanding it. Better than Gerard even, because it was a game to Gerard, it was playful. Mikey's darkness had intent. He had perfected the art of scaring people hard and fast – Brendon knew from experience.

Brendon should have asked about it, probably, but somehow he didn't think that it would have stopped Mikey and to be honest: Frank had it coming.

 

~5~  
“I'm sorry about your friend,” Gerard said and made Adam's heart beat a fucking lot faster. Not because he was so hot, mind you, but because he just appeared out of thin air. Again.

“What?”

“The tiny guitarist?” Gerard answered.

Adam nodded. He didn't know how Gerard heard about Frank's meltdown, but he guessed stuff on tour got around. Especially if a semi famous guitarist screamed the walls down in the middle of the night. No matter that it was in their bus. Frank was a wreck for the whole night and half of the day. The stage-lights that night nearly burned Adam into a crispy bit of coal or something.  
“He's really freaked out by spiders,” Adam said.

“I know.”

“Everyone knows,” Adam said.

Gerard sat down next to him on the pavement and took out a cigarette. “It's not wise to tell the world about your fears. Especially when they're real.”

Adam turned to look at his profile. “Because they can be used against us,” Adam said. He didn't think anyone had played a prank. It was most likely that Frank had been dreaming. Because no way were there a million small hairy spiders creeping towards his bunk just to jump him. There was not a single spider found on the bus. “But there is no one who would do something like that to Frank. Everyone loves Frank.”

“He was being a douche to Ryan and Brendon,” Gerard stated calmly. And there it was again: Brendon and it still didn't ring a bell. Adam needed to have that talk with Tommy. Soon. But the whole Frank business had been a more pressing matter.

“What do you fear?” Adam asked instead of all the stuff he wanted to know about Gerard and Brendon and what Gerard was doing here, creeping in the shadows, finding lost boys and walking them back to safety.

Gerard exhaled smoke slowly and Adam watched it leave his lips and disband. “Nothing I guess,” he said and then after another drag. “To lose Brendon.” It sounded like he just found it out for himself. “I wouldn't like that. Mikey wouldn't like that either.”

“Mikey?”

“My brother,” Gerard said in a voice that somehow indicated that Adam should have known. Well, Adam didn't because Gerard never told him until now.

“I didn't know you have a brother.”

“Oh,” Gerard said. He turned a bit to be able to look at Adam's face. “Of course. I didn't tell you and you're not with the band, but somehow it's like you're a part of us anyway.”  
Adam had no idea what to say to that. “Could you tell Frank not to butcher Ryan's songs anymore? He's lived this, it's just plain not nice to do something like that.” He took another drag. “Don't tell Brendon I asked you to talk to Frank, okay?”

“Okay,” Adam nodded. He had NO clue what Gerard was talking about, but he would find out.

“The shadows are getting darker. We should go back Adam,” Gerard said.

Adam looked around. The shadows got a lot darker and something inside him shivered like a small frightened child. His dad used to tell them that there weren't any demons in the shadows, but Adam and Neil knew better. Shadows were the perfect place to hide: people, insects, other things.

“Sure,” Adam answered and didn't ask Gerard to walk him back to light and busy people, but Gerard did it anyway.

~+~  
“Spit it out,” Adam said, towering over Tommy. It wasn't hard to tower over Tommy, but Adam was doing his best 'give me no shit' stand.

“What?”

“I just talked to Gerard and he asked me to stop Frank from making Ryan and Brendon cry. First who? And second what did he do?”

“Weren't you there? When he butchered that Panic song? I remember seeing you at the edge of the stage.”

“I was drinking water and not paying much attention to Frank. He's always doing stupid shit while I take a break of three freaking minutes.”

“A lot can happen in three minutes Adam.”

“Don't stall like a stalling thing that stalls, Tommy. What the heck is going on?”

“Brendon and Ryan are from Panic and your dream-guy? He's with their band. They're friends and our band just screwed them over in public and on YouTube to forever be seen. Amen.”  
Adam sometimes hated camera-phones and YouTube and the internet. No not the internet, that would be too harsh. He groaned. What the hell? But maybe that's what you got when you said yes to a bunch of unwashed Jersey boys. “You need to be a bit more aware of the world around you, Adam,” Tommy added.

“I though that's why I have you?”

“No, I'm only here for the guitar and to be molested on stage-”

“Hey, Frank's being kissed too,” Adam interrupted.

“I didn't say I mind, did I?”

“Because I am a great kisser,” Adam answered.

Tommy rolled his eyes. “More pressing matters at hand.”

“Gerard doesn't seem to be the type to plan revenge,” Adam said.

“Maybe, but he is friends with the band and he makes their posters too-”

“Really?”

“Yes, you should look them up they are _awesome_. I think he should make ours.”

“Maybe we could've asked before...” Adam said.

“Maybe. Don't see much of that happening now, do you?”

“No.”

“You gonna talk to Frank?”

“Is it that bad?”

“You never listened to a single song of Panic! Did you?”

Adam shook his head. He hadn't. He meant to, because Tommy kept shoving the stuff at him, but there were always more pressing matters and well. “I will.”

“You will. Right now,” Tommy answered. He pulled his iPod out of his jacket and handed it over to Adam. “Sit down.”  
And Adam did sit down, put the earpieces in and pushed play.

~+~  
Adam didn't like conflicts with band-members as a rule, but there was shit that wasn't okay and mocking a kid that obviously put his money where his mouth was, was one of those things.

“He was stalking you!” Frank answered.

“What?” because how did they even end up having that conversation when it started out as Adam telling Frank to go and apologize before Spencer put spiders in his underwear. Adam had looked Panic up and decided that if anyone would do something like that it would be Spencer. Mostly because Ryan and Brendon looked like they would faint and/or scream at the sight of a giant, hairy spider. Jon, well...would probably be too stoned or mellow or animal-rights activist to consider spiders being acceptable weapons of revenge.

“He was lurking in the shadows with this other guy,” Frank said, taking an angry drag of his cigarette. Frank didn't like it as a rule to be told to apologize.

“That's no reason to butcher their song, Frank! They're kids, they have crushes. They aren't even legal for god's sake!”

“Adam-”

“You're starting a blood feud with teenage boys.” Adam looked at Frank who was still looking pissed off about being told off. Adam couldn't blame him, and he probably wouldn't have said anything one, two years ago. But they weren't a garage band anymore. They had management and fans and people quoted shit they said for fuck's sake. There was responsibility here if they wanted it or not. Frank obviously didn't want it. To be honest, Adam didn't want it either, but it wasn't that easy for Adam to refuse it. Not only because he was the singer, but also because he was openly gay. He wouldn't be one of the good men who stood back.

“I'm not starting a blood feud,” Frank said eventually. He put his butt into the ashtray and lit another cigarette. “It was a joke.”

“Not a good one.”

“You didn't mind at the time,” Frank answered.

It stung, because it was true. “I didn't know shit about them at the time,” Adam said, which wasn't a good excuse at all. Clearly Frank thought so too if his expression was anything to go by. “Look,” Adam said, “just, do something okay? I don't even care, but I don't want us to be that band that crushes teenage dreams.”

Frank smiled. “Yeah, you would be that kind of guy.”

“Don't even pretend. You are that kind of guy. And that's why I don't get why you did it.”

“He pissed me off. Lurking around and being creepy. You don't need this after all the shit with what's his face.”

Great, Adam thought, Frank was looking out for him. It made all of it a little bit better, a bit more understandable. “I can take care of myself,” Adam said softly. He could too, but it was good to know his band looked out for him.

“Shut up, Adam. We know you can. But you don't have to.” He put the cigarette in the ashtray and grabbed Adam by the shirt to pull him in, Adam went. Frank was a freakishly fierce huger. Adam liked it. “We good?”

“Yeah.” Adam answered, his fingers tightening in Frank's shirt.

“You still gonna make me apologize or something aren't you?”

“I can't make you do shit, Frank,” Adam said.

Frank laughed. Adam could feel it with every place they touched. “That's not a unique trait. Only my mom can make me do shit.”

“That's a mom's scary superpower,” Adam answered.

“I'll come up with something,” Frank promised.

“Okay.”

 

~6~  
To be honest, Brendon didn't want to hear it. He was still mad and he knew that Spencer was still mad and Mikey was all around dark. His shadows gloomy and only lightening up a bit when Gerard leaned into him.

They sent Tommy, who was looking really uncomfortable standing in the door to the hotel room.  
“So, this is a peace offering,” Tommy said handing over a box.

The shadows in the corner fluttered like a dragon taking an irritated breath. Gerard stepped closer to Mikey, Brendon could see it out of the corner of his eye.  
“Thanks, I guess,” Brendon said.

“I'm really sorry about this, okay?”

“Is Frank sorry?” Mikey asked calmly, but there was something in his voice that could make people shiver and shy away.

“He is sorry, but he just isn't the type to...” Tommy waved his hand.

“Apologize in person?” Mikey asked, “Man up and admit he was a douche?”

“Yeah, that. Adam hopes that this will make you reconsider putting spiders in Frank's underwear?” Tommy said with a small smile. He was a bit nervous, but then Mikey could bring that out in people. In people who were bigger and looked way meaner than Mikey. Brendon took pity on Tommy.

“Thanks,” he said again.

“We will consider this peace offering,” Mikey threw in. He was still pissed off.

“Oh, okay...” Tommy said and Brendon waved a little with his free hand before he shut the door.  
He put the box on the bed and looked at it, like it was poisonous.

“We should throw it out the window,” Spencer said.

Gerard looked sad. “I think Adam does want to make things right.”

Brendon hoped Gerard was right about that one. “For heaven's sake! It's not a bomb,” Ryan threw in and just grabbed the box and opened it. He looked inside for a while before he got out whatever was inside.

“Frank says sorry with cupcakes,” Gerard said and he was smiling.  
Mikey made a noise, half pleased, half something else. The shadows curled up to lie softly at the corners and near the floor where it joined the walls.  
He took one and bit in. “They're good cupcakes too.” He licked his lip and Brendon couldn't look away for a too long second before his brain came online again and he grabbed a cupcake from the box too.  
Sometimes Gerard was messing with his head. Gerard of course was utterly unaware, but he was sure Mikey knew.

“Maybe I won't scare them to death in those few seconds between sleep and wakefulness,” Mikey said, quietly into Brendon's ear, so only he and Gerard could hear.

“Maybe I won't kill Frank after all,” Spencer allowed and took a cupcake. Boy did his homework, they were Spencer's favourite.

Still, Brendon thought. Maybe he shouldn't hang out backstage anymore. Maybe he and Gerard shouldn't lurk around in the shadows. They weren't exactly friends of the the band or anything. And breaking Ryan's heart once was really enough. Brendon didn't want Frank to have a talk with Ryan too.  
He vowed to only stalk via internet from now on. He had of course to talk with Gerard about it, but well, that could wait a bit.

~+~  
“I've got you a birthday gift,” Gerard said.

“You know you don't need to get me stuff, Gee,” Brendon answered absent-minded. He was concentrating on filling in shadows in one of the panels of Gerard's new comic-strip. And he was maybe a bit drunk, so the task needed all his attention. He was sure Gerard had made him something awesome, but he could look at it in a second. It wouldn't get up and leave.”

“I know and it's not a thing -”

That got Brendon's attention. “You got me a puppy, because Pete will-” he looked away and in Gerard's direction by the door and then closed his mouth and stared. What the fuck?  
“You got me Adam Lambert,” Brendon breathed out, because either that, or he was hallucinating.

“No, not a puppy at all.”

“And you can't keep me either,” Adam said. As in Adam Lambert. Singer of My Chemical Romance, still kind of unbelievable. A shame, Brendon nearly blurred out. By the way Adam's lips curled into a smile and his perfect freaking nose crinkled a bit, he knew anyway.

“You like him-”

“Your singing,” Brendon interrupted. “His singing. I like his singing very much,” he said in Gerard's direction. They were both still standing in the door to Brendon's hotel room. Well, his and his bogeymen's hotel room, but whatever. And Brendon was sitting on the floor in his ratty t-shirt and pyjama pants and was colouring for heaven's sake.

“His singing,” Gerard allowed. He knew it was bullshit, because lately they've been talking about Adam all the freaking time. And Mikey had been giving them looks and mocking in a streaming commentary.

“Can I come in?” Adam asked. He was still smiling. He was amused. That had to be better than being creeped out. Brendon took that over the other any time.

“Sure, yes, please come in,” Brendon answered and got up. “Can I get you something to drink?” He was being strangely shy and formal all of a sudden. His manners kicking in like they hadn't in years. But man, Adam Lambert was sitting on his bed and looking amused in his hotel room. This was a teenage dream- and he could never ever let that slip out of his stupid mouth.

“No, thanks. So Gerard said -”

“I'm sorry, “ Brendon interrupted, because what the all loving fuck? Adam Lambert. “I need a moment.”

Adam laughed and Brendon watched him and knew Gerard was watching him too. He glanced away to look for the ever present darkness. There was a soft glow to the darkness in the corners. It was pleased and that made Brendon breathe easier. This was going to be okay. Brendon sat down again on the floor.  
“Is this something Gerard made?” Adam asked, nodding in the panel's direction.

“Yeah, he's really good at it,” Brendon said, he took the sheet of paper and handed it over to Adam. Their fingers brushed. Adam's were warm and his hands were big, his nails purple. He felt human. Not like Gerard who had never been made of flesh and bones.

“He is, I've looked up your tour-posters. Tommy thinks Gerard should draw ours too.”

“I like drawing you, and Tommy. Tommy is all black and white like a manga,” Gerard said.

“He is,” Adam answered, he sounded a bit surprised. Brendon knew that feeling. Gerard just said things like that all the time. He was a bit like a child that way. But he hit it spot on. “What am I?” Adam asked and he was looking at Gerard closely.

“Beautiful,” Gerard said and Brendon's heart ached. It hurt hearing that, he knew of course that Gerard didn't mean it in a sexual way, he meant it just like he said it, but still.  
There was silence as Adam stared at Gerard. Utterly stunned silence. “I mean, you are -” And Gerard stopped and Brendon knew why. It was because for Gerard there was no other adjective to describe Adam at the moment.

“Beautiful,” Adam repeated, because apparently he knew it too.

“Yes, sometimes you're glittery though.”

Adam laughed. “Glittery?”

“Yes, I like it. I bought glitter to paint you. I never used much glitter before, but it fits you.”

Adam gave Brendon a look, but Brendon could only shrug. It was how Gerard was, Gerard would adopt of course, but he would always be something else, something more than human. And Brendon didn't know how to explain that and to be honest he didn't want to explain that. This was his. His secret, his life, his perfect nightmare.

“Can I see?” Adam asked.

“Sure,” Gerard answered.

~+~  
Adam didn't mind, it seemed, that Gerard was just that little bit odd, that little bit different and that he didn't seem to get or totally ignored any flirtation from Adam. Brendon saw how intriguing Adam found that. It was hard, Brendon imagined, for Adam to not be able to make someone fall for him. Or whatever Adam was trying to do.  
Brendon felt jealous.

Gerard wasn't anymore exclusively his. Mikey never had really been, because Mikey just fitted better into this world than Gerard, but now Gerard found someone who got him. Who didn't mind and Gerard was, well, obsessed with Adam. The way he was on stage and how his skin had a million freckles when they met up after Adam had showered. It was all there for everyone to see who could get hold of Gerard's sketchbook: Adam pale and wet from his shower, Adam on stage strutting like Bowie, Adam glittering in the dark, Adam, Adam, Adam and the darkness in the corners that looked like butterflies, birds, wings, wolves, sometimes like a figure. Brendon ran a finger over the figure in the corner and wondered. Was this Gerard's way to deal with feelings he usually didn't care about?

“He's so heads over heels,” Mikey said softly. His hair was a mess and his clothes looked a bit rumpled, but Brendon didn't want to know, didn't want to ask.

“It's the first time he shows interest in someone,” Brendon said. It was the truth in the two years Brendon was living with his bogeymen, this was the first time Gerard sketched another face than his or Mikey's over and over again.

“Was bound to happen one day. He isn't surrounded by kids and teenagers anymore. I was wondering about when it would happen and I think Adam, well, he is kinda an obvious choice.”

“Why?” Brendon asked.

Mikey lit a cigarette, inhaled, exhaled and then looked at Brendon. “Because he's everything Gerard wanted to be once upon a time. And he loves the dark. He is not afraid. He never was really afraid of the dark.”

“How do you know?” Brendon asked.

“Some kids just aren't. No matter what you do. Or if they are they're hiding it well. Or just brave it. Just hit it in the face full force. Adam, he had other things to fear than the darkness creeping in the corners. His brother Neil, well...he was afraid,” a smile played around Mikey's lips at the memory.  
Not for the first time Brendon thought, that maybe a part of Mikey enjoyed scaring people. Not enough, though, to let Gerard leave him behind.

Brendon didn't need a lot of imagination to know what Adam had feared. Life wasn't kind to overweight, pale, gay boys that loved glamrock and make-up.  
“I bet he was an awesome brother,” Brendon said. His siblings have been dicks about the bogeyman thing.

“He tried to keep the darkness in Neil's room at bay. He was pretty successful too. Not that Neil remembers much of it, of course.”

Kids forgot when they grew older. It was the nature of things. Brendon closed the sketchbook. It hurt to look at it. “Does he even know?”

“That he's falling in love?” Mikey asked.

“Yeah,” Brendon answered. He was watching Mikey's pale hand holding the cigarette.

“No,” Mikey said, softly. “It's no different for him than what he's feeling for me and you.”  
That made Brendon look at Mikey. He never even thought about that. That Gerard's love for people was the same no matter who he loved (or fell in love with).

“That's why he came to me that night,” Brendon realised.

“Yeah. That's why I knew where to find him.”

Brendon wasn't sure if this was good or bad. Gerard loved him, had loved him as a kid, but the thing was, that this love didn't evolve. It was still the same love and now that innocent love was also directed at Adam. Adam who didn't know all these things he and Mikey knew about Gerard.

“I feel like I should do something,” Brendon said.

“There is nothing to be done. He has to figure this out on his own.”

Brendon wondered if Mikey even wanted Gerard to figure this out, to lose that love, so it could be replaced with something mature, something more heated, more tarnished.  
He grabbed the slippery, cool darkness that Mikey's clothes were made of and tugged. Mikey went willingly. He sat down and leaned into Brendon.

They would wait this one out, because there was nothing else to be done.

 

~7~  
Gerard was talking a mile a minute and Adam was sincerely trying to keep up with it, but he got kinda distracted by Gerard's hands waving around and his mouth sucking on his cigarette and his hair. Adam loved Gerard's fierce red hair. He wanted to touch it.

“Gerard,” Adam interrupted and Gerard looked at him.

“Yes?”

“Can I,” and this was so stupid, because he wasn't ever so awkward around people. Adam liked to touch people, people usually liked to be touched by Adam. In a friendly way and well, not.

“Yes?”

“Your hair. I want to touch your hair,” Adam blurred out. Because fuck it all, whatever. He really, really wanted to.

“Sure, but I don't get why you would want to,” Gerard said, he slid a bit closer to Adam, still not close enough to touch. They never shared body heat or space. Adam reached out and buried his fingers in Gerard's hair. It felt strange. Cool and soft, but like no hair he ever touched before. He wondered what kind of products Gerard used. He tugged a bit, not meaning anything by it, but Gerard still made a noise and tried to pull away. Adam's fingers got all tangled up in the red strands and he cursed.

“Don't move, okay? I don't want to hurt you.”

“You can't hurt me,” Gerard said and it sounded like he really meant it.

Adam ignored that statement, because you could always hurt people, you just needed to find out how. Not that Adam was interested in that. He de-tangled his fingers carefully and let Gerard lean away.

“That was strange,” he said frowning.

Well, Adam thought. It really had been. “I'm sorry, you surprised me.”

“No,” Gerard answered. “You surprised me, or maybe I surprised myself.”

“No one ever touched your hair before?” Adam wondered.

“Not like you,” Gerard said, taking a last drag of his cigarette and letting the butt fall to the ground where it disappeared in the darkness pooling at their feet.

“Is that good or bad?” Adam wondered out loud.

“I don't know yet,” Gerard answered.

~+~  
There were all kinds of odd things happening on tour. On every tour, but being with Gerard, Adam thought, was totally the icing on a very strange cake.

He frowned, maybe he needed to eat something, all these food metaphors were kinda scary. It was the first sign he was going crazy again.

“You look like you need a big fat piece of chocolate cake,” someone said and Adam turned. There in the shadows was Gerard's brother. Gerard had pointed him out on every occasion when they were walking around a venue.

“Mikey?” Adam asked. He was pretty sure that was his name, because Frank was all gossipy about him and that Wentz dude. Lyn-Z too for that matter.

“Lost again?” Mikey asked, stepping out of the shadows. There was something strange about the darkness in the corners for a moment. Adam blinked and it was gone.

“No. Yes?” Adam said.

“Yes or no?” Mikey asked, he lit a cigarette and the shadows danced. For a second it looked like they were pooling around Mikey's feet, tightening somehow and rising – like waves.

“Yes, and I'm hungry,” Adam said and had no idea why.

“I can walk you back to your bus.”

“Gerard does that usually,” Adam answered.

Mikey smirked, it was just a small movement of his lips. He took a drag of his smoke. “Gerard is busy with Brendon.”

“Oh...” Adam said.

“He said you'll be lost again. He said you always get lost,” Mikey answered.

“Did he send you?” Adam asked. And it was kinda ridiculous, because how could Gerard know that Adam would be here? Adam didn't even know where he would end up when he got lost again.  
Mikey shrugged. “I was in the neighbourhood.”

“Right,” Adam said.

“So, you want me to walk you back or not? I don't have all night, you know?”

“Yes,” Adam answered. He had no idea why he let this kid boss him around. Usually people were nice to Adam. Because they liked him or because they were afraid he'd kick their asses (not that he would, not anymore anyway. Now that he was a role-model and all).

“Come on then,” Mikey said and then he turned and held out a box to Adam. “From Gerard, but Spencer made them.”

Adam took and opened the box. There were brownies inside. “Spencer? Not Jon?” He just wanted to be sure here. He needed to be sober.

Mikey smirked again. “Spencer. Eat up. Gerard said you're losing weight.”

Adam brightened. “Yeah?”

Mikey looked at him long and hard. “It's not a good thing, Adam. Gerard is concerned.”

“Oh,” Adam said and grabbed one of the brownies, there was cream and chocolate on it. It looked delicious and he was starving and craving chocolate (not a good combination). Still, the calories.

“Eat up. You don't want to make Gerard sad. Do you?” Mikey asked, he wasn't even looking at Adam. He was already walking.

Adam started walking too, and then said fuck it and bit into that delicious thing that would be the dead of his figure. “Hmmm...”

“You make porn noises over chocolate, that should tell you something,” Mikey said.

Adam ignored him. He was busy here.

~+~  
“I met your brother,” Adam said the next night as he spotted Gerard watching FOB perform. Mikey was there too, standing on the other side, fumbling with a bass, it seemed. Adam didn't even know Mikey played.

“I know,” Gerard said, looking at Adam. His eyes were bright and shining. You just knew with Gerard when he was happy and he was always fucking happy to see Adam. It was refreshing to see that honesty. It made Adam want to write songs about stuff and things. Mostly about the power of love or some shit.

“Is he playing?” Adam asked with a nod in Mikey's direction.

“He and Pete hit it off? Kinda. And now he is playing around with that thing, but I like it. It makes him happy. I like when Mikey is happy.”

“You like when everyone is happy, Gerard,” Adam said softly.

Gerard smiled at him, open and earnest. “Yes. I like to make people happy.”

And Adam wanted to kiss him so badly at that moment. He stepped closer and grabbed Gerard's shirt, it felt strange, slippery and cool, and he pulled Gerard into a hug. Gerard hugged back, smiling against Adam's shoulder. Adam kissed his head. “I like that about you,” Adam said.

Gerard looked up. “I like that about you too.”

“I don't-”

“Yes, you do. With donations and strutting around and encouraging people, kids, to be themselves and happy. And telling them there is nothing wrong with them. You do.”

“I basically tell them to tell everyone who is a douche to fuck off,” Adam answered.

Gerard laughed. His head thrown back and his throat exposed and Adam had really a hard time here. He still wasn't sure what Gerard's deal was, but Adam would bet everything he had and then some, that Gerard had a fucking deal.

“If it's what they need to hear. And they need to hear that the world is not better off without them,” Gerard said. He was looking into Adam's eyes. “Your eyes are the most amazing blue and up close-” he stopped and wriggled his hand out so he could run a finger over Adam's face. Fingertip just under his eye, delicately touching, outlining. “I always want to paint you,” he whispered and Adam's breath hitched. It was fucking surreal. He wasn't that guy, he was the one who made people stutter and catch their breathes. And here was Gerard with his sharp weird teeth, fierce hair and pale, pale skin and he was reducing Adam to a boy of fifteen. He leaned in and Gerard's finger stilled: Adam pressed his lips to Gerard's. They were cool too. Not cold, but like he had just drank something with ice. Gerard stilled. His whole body just stopped. Adam leaned away. “Gerard?” Adam let go and stepped away.

Gerard grabbed his shirt with one hand, fingers curling in the fabric, the other touched his lips. “Oh,” he said. “You kissed me.”

“Well, yeah...” It hadn't been a real kiss, it was just a peck. He kissed his brother like that, well, not on the lips, but still. “Is that, was that alright? I mean,” he stopped as Gerard looked at him again. He pulled at Adam's shirt and Adam stepped back into his personal space.

“Yes. Do it again?”

There was no way Adam would ever say no to that question. So he kissed Gerard again, this time for real.

 

~8~  
“Adam kissed me,” Gerard said. He was sitting near the closet. The darkness was painting wings and butterflies on the walls and the floor. Brendon was careful not to step on it as he entered. The room was dark. The only light coming from outside. Gerard was smoking.

Brendon's heart skipped a beat as he heard the words. Of course Adam would. Brendon would've too, if he hadn't been such a coward. What the fuck? Did he really think that Gerard wouldn't experience once – once what? Once he found the one perfect person for him? And why couldn't it be Brendon? Brendon had been there all the time. Gerard loved Brendon, Brendon knew that. Mikey had confirmed it. For darkness' sake!

Brendon swallowed. “And how was it?” he made himself ask as he sat down in front of Gerard.

Gerard looked at him. “Nice. I mean, his lips are warm and his tongue...” Gerard took a drag of his cigarette.

His tongue, Brendon thought. What the fuck? “That's good. I am glad you're making...” Friends? Lovers? Brendon had no idea. He was feeling awkward and out of his depths.

“He doesn't kiss like other people. He doesn't kiss like Mikey either.”

Brendon kinda hated himself for asking. “How different?”

“On the lips for one and with tongue and with his whole body, somehow. I don't know. Like in the movies I was scoffing about?”

Brendon remembered. Of course, because at the time it had been hilarious. It wasn't anymore.  
“Do you like him?” Brendon asked.

Gerard huffed out a cloud of smoke. “I know about kissing and sex, so don't even try to give me the speech. Just. I just didn't think I would want to...” he trailed off.

“To be with someone like that?” Brendon asked.

“Yes.”

“And you were never tempted in all those years?”

“I was working with kids!”

“That's not what I mean, I mean...Mikey was with people.”

“Mikey is different. Everyone is.”

“But Mikey stepped out of the shadows after the job was done and hooked up with people in shady bars. You didn't. Why didn't you?”

“Because I. There was no one. I only ever cared about Mikey and then you and -” he stopped. Well, Brendon thought. Fuck. “Oh,” Gerard said, the darkness stopped painting pretty pictures and receded. It hovered around the closet. A big black mess, bigger than Gerard, meaner, scarier too. “Did you know?” he demanded.

Brendon scooted backwards. His toes curling in. He was freaked out because Gerard was freaked out.

“Gee,” Mikey's voice came from the dark and Brendon could feel the darkness relax a fraction. It was still black and deep as tar. “You freak Brendon out.”

“I am,” Gerard bit out. “Why aren't you? Because I know you knew, I know.”

“Because it doesn't matter. I love you and you love me and Brendon and-”

“Adam,” Gerard breathed like he just realised it for himself.

“Yes.”

“But it's _one_ love,” Gerard said. He sounded angry and confused. The darkness was dark branches and ravens and encompassing. Creeping up the walls and spreading. “And what about the children?”

“That wasn't love,” Mikey said. “That was compassion.” Which, Brendon thought, was a form of love too.

“How can you be sure?” Gerard asked softly.

“Because I know you. You are that rare bogeyman snowflake. That's why we love you.”

Gerard sighed and held his hand out to Brendon. Brendon took a deep breath and grabbed it. The darkness receded until it was only a big shadow around Gerard.

“I'm sorry,” Gerard said.

Brendon squeezed his hand. “Don't be. There is nothing to be sorry for. I'm happy Adam likes you.”  
And Brendon was. It hurt, like hell, but he was glad for Gerard's sake.

~+~  
“So, Gerard isn't like other people,” Brendon said, he was fidgeting and not really looking at Adam. He had no idea how to say this. Most likely Adam wouldn't believe him the bogeyman-story anyway. He had ambushed Adam outside the coffee-stand and said they needed to talk and now he had no idea how to say what needed to be said.

Adam gave him a 'no shit, Sherlock' look. “I know.”

“You don't. He's not-” Brendon bit his lip, there was no way he would say: not human, about Gerard, because even if it was technically true, Gerard was the most human being Brendon came ever across.

“Listen, if this is your way of saying hands off-” Adam started.

Brendon looked up at him. Adam had really freakishly blue eyes. It was kinda unreal. “No,” Brendon interrupted, because it wasn't that. Well, not only. Mostly it wasn't.  
Adam raised an eyebrow. He wasn't buying what Brendon was trying to sell and if he had been in Adam's place, he would've thought too that Brendon was so full of it. “No,” Brendon repeated, looking away from Adam's face. Looking at Adam's face was distracting. His eyes and his perfect nose and his lips with the freckles, it was all very fucking distracting and it didn't help that Gerard was constantly pointing these things about Adam out to Brendon. All excited eyes and hand-waves.

“But you like him,” Adam stated.

Brendon huffed. He did like Gerard, but that was beside the point. “Gerard doesn't know what this is to you, he was never interested in anyone before and he's never...” he trailed off and made a vague hand-gesture that explained nothing at all. “And you so clearly have.”

Adam cocked his head and then he looked sharply at Brendon. “Are you trying to say that he's a,” Adam lowered his voice and whispered like it was a secret or something really fucking forbidden: “virgin?”

To be honest Brendon wanted the ground to open up and swallow him. Right the fuck now would be awesome. He nodded. “You could say it like that.”

“Is there any other way to say it?” Adam asked.

Brendon shrugged. There wasn't. But the whole virgin thing only applied to humans, so...maybe there was and Brendon just didn't know. “I just, I figured you should know, because Gerard doesn't think like that and he wouldn't have told you and-” He just stopped, because he had no idea how to end this sentence at all.

Adam nodded. “Thanks, I guess. I mean...I wouldn't have guessed, maybe. I don't know, he doesn't behave like...” he trailed off at a loss for words like it seemed.

Brendon reached out and patted his arm. “I know,” he said. And maybe this wasn't any of his business, but he felt like he needed to protect Gerard, because he and Mikey were his. Because Brendon was the reason they were alive and happy and Brendon wanted to keep it that way.

Adam laughed. It sounded startled out of him. “You would.”

“Wanna get some real coffee?” Brendon asked and it wasn't a come on. Mostly.

Adam smiled. “Yeah.”

~+~  
“You told Adam I am a virgin?!”

“I wanted to tell him that you are a bogeyman living in my closet, but somehow that didn't make it out of my mouth – and that was the best next thing?” Brendon ventured.

Mikey was laughing so hard he had tears in his eyes. That traitor.

“I am not- I mean, basically, yeah I am,” Gerard bit his lip and looked up at Brendon from under his eyelashes. Brendon wondered HOW Adam could have withstand so long if Gerard had been giving him that look all the time too. “Is it weird not to want to have sex?” he asked.

Brendon wanted to say: YES. Because he was thinking about it all the time, when he wasn't thinking about music or food. He was horny more often than not and Gerard being all beautiful and there didn't help matters. Neither did Adam being fierce and beautiful. Brendon had a serious fucking problem. And it wasn't glitter.

“No,” Mikey said. He was uncurling to sit up straight. The darkness had a protective touch. Like wings, tugged tightly around Gerard. Gerard leaned into it.

“Does he, does Adam expect me to have sex?” Gerard wondered out loud.

Mikey looked stubborn and fierce. “If he does, well, his problem. Not yours. You were never anything than your perfect charming weird self. You didn't make a move.”

“I kissed him back,” Gerard said with a small smile.

Mikey smiled back. “Of course you did.” He sat down next to Gerard on the floor and put an arm around him. Gerard leaned into him, resting his head on Mikey's shoulder. The darkness was a blanket around them. They looked so inhuman, so uberhuman, it wasn't even funny. They were scary and beautiful and Brendon loved them fiercely. With all his human heart. Maybe did from a very young age and it didn't matter that that love had shifted and was something else now.

“You aren't going to let him pressure you into-”

Brendon was cut off by a laugh. Gerard was laughing. “No. If he tried Mikey would do very bad, no good things to him. Like he did to Frank.”

Mikey shrugged. “He deserved it and it was fun.”

Gerard grabbed his free hand and squeezed. “I'm sorry I made you-”

“Don't even start. It's no fun to scare _children_ so they'll pee their pants,” Mikey interrupted. “It's a whole other deal to scare grown ups.”

Gerard smiled. Two fucking years, Brendon thought and still Gerard was sometimes doubting it had been the right thing to quit his job as bogeyman. And drag Mikey with him into this semi-human life.

“I'm glad you quit,” Brendon said. He never before said it like that. But he was glad Gerard had quit and dragged Mikey with him into the human world. They didn't really fit, but so didn't a lot of other people who weren't supernatural beings. And Brendon had been so alone before.

“Come here,” Mikey said and Brendon sat down next to him and let the darkness embrace him too.

 

~9~  
Adam hadn't been dealing with virgins since, well, a long time. He couldn't really remember. It was true that there had been weird things about Gerard, but somehow Adam didn't think that this was it.

“Thinking big thoughts?” Bob asked.

Adam looked up at him. “You wanna know?”

Bob made a face and lit a cigarette. They were alone on the bus. The rest of the band was off doing something or other. Adam had really no idea.  
“Scoot over,” Bob said and Adam did.

Bob waited him out, because that was what Bob did. Adam closed his eyes and leaned back into the couch. “I'm sure you heard about my...crush, on Gerard, the artist that works for Panic? With Panic?”

“Crushes seem to be your thing,” Bob said.

And the teasing about Allen will never ever stop, Adam thought. Whatever. He's not taking it back and it got him a free ticket to Allen's show and a meet a greet where they hit it off like a house on fire. Adam called it a win.

“Whatever. Thing is that the singer, Brendon?”

“Your stalker,” Bob nodded.

“He isn't. He is really a nice kid, okay?”

“Go on, I can only listen for so long before I get bored with your man-pain.” Bob took a drag and Adam rolled his eyes at him.

“So he told me that Gerard wasn't like other people.”

Bob snorted. “Really?”

And okay, Bob had a point, but still. Adam took a deep breath. “He's a virgin.”

Bob exhaled smoke. “And now you're thinking what's wrong with him or the world that he didn't get any?” Bob guessed pretty freaking right, Adam thought. Because Gerard was hot and charming and smart. And probably leaned both ways too.

“I didn't get any as a teenager because I was chubby and ugly and -”

“Yeah, no. We're not doing that again. You cleaned up nicely and you can have any groupie twink you want-”

Adam interrupted. “I am not that kind of rockstar.”

“Rockstar, hmm?” Bob teased.

Adam shrugged. They were on their way there and Bob knew it. “Rockstar. Better get acquainted with that idea soon, Mister Bob.”

Bob smiled. “So? What are you stressing over?”

“I don't know what to do. I mean, Gerard didn't tell me.”

“You aren't...” Bob waved his hand and Adam nodded. They weren't. He and Gerard, but Adam thought that they were on their way there.

“I want us to?”

Bob sighed. It was the one that called Adam an idiot.”You talked to Gerard about it?” He asked like he knew the answer to that. Adam really wanted to say something like: it's not that easy, but really, Bob would call him on his bullshit.

“No.”

“Do that then and spare me your man-pain, yeah?”

“Thanks Bob,” he meant it to be sarcastic, but it came out pretty sincere. Bob nodded.

~+~  
“Adam,” Gerard said softly and Adam turned around. He had been looking for Gerard everywhere. And like always Gerard found him.

“I'm not lost. I was looking for you and Spencer said that you might be hanging out by the FOB bus-”

“I know,” Gerard interrupted smiling.

“I wanted to talk to you,” Adam said and made a hand-gesture that didn't say anything, but made him feel better.

Gerard nodded and lit a cigarette. “Find us a quiet corner?”

“Lead the way. You seem to know your way around every freaking venue.”

“It's just one of my many talents,” Gerard said exhaling smoke. Adam wondered if Gerard knew how much of a tease he was being right now. For the first time he had no idea at all. It was hard to read Gerard, harder than he thought in the beginning.  
Gerard led them to a small picnic area that seemed pretty abandoned. It was early evening and the shadows already long. Gerard sat down on the wood table and looked at Adam.

“I talked with Brendon. I mean, he talked with me-”

“I know,” Gerard said. “I didn't mean to keep this a secret. It just didn't seem to be important.” It sounded a bit like a question at the end.

Adam felt kinda like a jerk right now, because he thought it was important that Gerard had never had sex in his life before. And not wanting sex wasn't only an option, but also a valuable sexual orientation he learned after his little chat with Bob. And Adam needed to find out what it was for Gerard.

“You've seen me up there,” Adam said and waited for Gerard to nod before he continued, “I like sex. It's part of my life, it's part of my music, my art.”

“It's not a part of mine,” Gerard answered.

“Life?”

Gerard took a deep drag. “Art, but life too. I mean until now. I wasn't interested in people.”

How, Adam thought, could someone not be interested in people? They were everywhere and did amazing and horrible things. “I don't get it.”

Gerard sighed and took another drag. He was clearly thinking it over, trying to figure out how to explain it so that Adam would understand. “That came out wrong. I mean I am obviously interested in people, in their thoughts and opinions. I like talking to them and discussing things with them. I am interested in them intellectually, and personality-wise. And in their bodies from an artist's point of view, I guess.”

“But you don't want to sleep with people?”

“I didn't before,” Gerard admitted. “It wasn't important. It doesn't seem important now either, but to you, to you it is.”

“Yes,” Adam said, because it was.

“I liked kissing you.”

There was a difference between 'I liked to kiss you' and 'I liked to be kissed by you'. It had never before occurred to him. “I liked kissing you too.”

Gerard smiled at him and it looked wicked and happy and not one bit coy or bashful. Gerard wasn't ashamed of being a virgin at his age and that kind of baffled Adam. Not that he wanted Gerard to feel ashamed, because he didn't. He never wanted for people to feel ashamed about their sexuality. Gerard was just so different. Like this society that could fuck you up so badly while you were growing up, didn't leave a mark on him. It wasn't the first time Adam thought that.

“You want to do it again?” Gerard asked.

Adam did.

~+~  
Adam still wasn't closer to figuring Gerard out and he was not frustrated exactly, but feeling restless. He just knew that there was something odd about Gerard and his brother Mikey. Something that escaped him. Maybe because he didn't let himself really think about it.

“So, you and that artist?” Frank said, flopping down on the couch.

Adam nodded. “Yeah.”

“At least it's not that Panic singer.”

“I just don't get what you have against him. He is a really nice kid,” Adam answered a bit too sharply maybe.

Frank shrugged. “There is something odd about them. I mean the brothers without a last name and that singer. It seems like...” he trailed off playing with the lip piercing.

“What?”

“I don't know man. Just something is off.”

Adam sighed. Frank had good gut instinct, but the problem with that was that you couldn't translate it into words.

 

~10~  
Things couldn't get much worse for him, Brendon thought.

“Okay,” Mikey said, sitting down beside him on the floor of their hotel room. Brendon was eternally grateful to Pete for booking them so often. He didn't know how he could live without his bogeymen anymore.

“What?”

“Stop with the emo.”

Brendon raised an eyebrow. “I am not emo. And don't let Spencer hear you saying, and I quote, 'stupid fucking things'.”

Mikey smiled. “I like Spencer. He's grumpy.”

“You would,” Brendon said.

“I like you too. You are my favourite.”

“It doesn't feel like it lately,” Brendon answered.

Mikey pulled him against his side and put an arm around him. Brendon closed his eyes. “Pete used to be one of the kids I scared.”

“He was a job?” Brendon asked. He knew of course that he hadn't been their only kid, because they were ancient beings and had seen a million children grow up – or more. Probably more. In numbers Brendon couldn't even imagine.

“He was a job. But he was somehow, somehow he remembers. Not like you. But he knows. A part of him seems to know. He doesn't speak about it. He had a crush on me with fifteen. Maybe even earlier.”

“He saw you with fifteen?” Brendon said.

“Yes. The limit is sixteen. Then you have to move on. If you want to or not and I -” Mikey stopped.

“You didn't want to.”

“No. Gerard knew. I think that was one reason why he quit. Because of course he knew I would too.”

“Of course. You can't be without him. He can't be without you.”

“I know it's not normal-”

“It doesn't matter,” Brendon interrupted. It didn't matter at all. Normal was overrated anyway. This was his family and it didn't matter that he wanted to fuck Gerard, because he wouldn't.

Mikey kissed his head. “You like that Adam Lambert guy, hmm?”

“Yeah. I think that's pretty fucking obvious.”

“And Gerard.”

“That is pretty fucking obvious too.”

“This must be hell for you,” Mikey said softly.

It was and it wasn't. Because he wanted for people to be happy and Gerard was being happy and Adam, well...

“You think this will work? What with Gerard not wanting, not being that interested in sex?”

“Because Adam so clearly is?”

“Yeah.”

“I don't know. Maybe Gerard will like it, maybe he won't even try, maybe they end up being friends.”

Yeah, Brendon thought, he somehow didn't see the just friends thing working out. He snorted. “I think that ship has sailed.”

“Maybe this will be alright nevertheless,” Mikey answered and hugged him closer.

Brendon breathed in that unique scent that was Mikey: smoke, coffee and darkness. Before all this Brendon wouldn't have thought darkness had a scent, but now he knew better.

~+~  
“The kissing is nice,” Gerard said over coffee and a cigarette. Well, only the coffee and a bagel for Brendon. He still wasn't into cigarettes, even he smoked up with Jon and Spencer from time to time.  
Brendon could hear the but. “But?”

Gerard shrugged. “It's hard to explain,” he said.

“Try.”

“It never used to be a part of my life and it's not that I am not curious, it's just that it seems so...” he took a deep drag, thinking and then settled on: “messy.”

That was one way to describe it, Brendon thought. “Okay.”

“But you like it?”

Brendon hid behind his cup. “Yeah.”

“Why?” Gerard asked and he sounded sincere and curious about it and Brendon could not lie to him.

“It feels good, but I like touching people and making them feel good and it's like understanding their bodies makes me feel like I can understand their souls?” It sounded super stupid said out loud and he winced. What the fuck? On the other hand, it was Gerard he was talking to. “And sometimes I just want to touch someone beautiful, you know?” For pure selfish reasons, but he didn't add that.

“Yeah,” Gerard said and Brendon knew that at least that he could understand. “And Adam is beautiful,” he added looking directly at Brendon.

Brendon took a sip of coffee, stalling. “You know that I find him attractive, Gerard.”

Gerard nodded. “He likes you too.”

“He thinks I'm jail-bait.”

Gerard made a face at that and Brendon smiled.

~+~  
“Hey,” Adam said sitting down on the bench beside him. It was still kind of surreal to Brendon that he was hanging out with Adam Lambert, singer of My Chemical Romance. Ryan found it unbelievable at best. He had said it like that too. Brendon couldn't blame him.

“Hey,” he smiled and Adam smiled back.

“Gerard made us a poster. Frank was kinda pissed, because it was mostly me and big fat spiders. I think Gerard wanted to piss Frank off?”

“Probably Mikey's idea. And Spencer's. They don't mean any harm.”

“I know they only want to play,” Adam answered.

“I wouldn't leave them in a room together alone.”

“I wouldn't either. Mikey seems like a guy who could fuck you up if he really wanted to.”

“He has vices and other talents.”

“Funny, Gerard said that too.”

“About Mikey?”

“No,” Adam said and something in his voice let Brendon look at him. “About having other talents.”  
Brendon couldn't say for sure, but he thought Adam wanted to ask something or state something or whatever. And Brendon didn't think he wanted to hear it.

“Well-”

“Brendon,” Adam interrupted and his eyes were really intense and so fucking blue. “Am I crazy or is there something off about Gerard?” And Brendon laughed. “Okay, okay. I mean besides his lack of sex-drive or whatever. But sometimes when he finds me – and he always finds me – I could swear I can see the shadows move. And they're _pretty_. And then I see his drawings and think, yeah that's what I saw in the shadows moving, but maybe it's only my mind-”

“It's not,” Brendon heard Gerard say and turned around. Wow, this was the moment Gerard wanted to come out of the closet.

“What?” Adam asked as Gerard stepped out of the darkness.

“Should I just go?” he wanted to know. This was after all only between Gerard and Adam.

“No, I mean. You don't have to.” And after a pause. “Maybe it's better when you're here.” Gerard seemed uncertain. Well, Brendon was too. God only knew if that was a good idea.

“So, I am not crazy?” Adam asked.

“No, I am,” Gerard looked stricken. He took a deep breath. “A bogeyman.”

“Right,” Adam said.

Brendon really couldn't blame him. Gerard sounded like an insane person.

“I can prove it.”

Now Adam looked stricken. “Gerard-”

“I quit my job but there are still things I can do, because I am not-”

“Don't say it,” Brendon threw in. Because Gerard was human. Gerard smiled at him, nodding.

“Okay. I can manipulate the darkness, because it's a part of me. Look.” He said to Adam and Adam did. Gerard played with the shadows at his feet. Made them into wings and butterflies and then into darker things: snakes, spiders, monsters with big sharp teeth. Dripping oily liquids and deformed insects. Things that could give you nightmares. Not quite close enough to the real things so they looked just that much more horrible. Adam took a step back with a gasp and Gerard looked up, made the things vanish, melt into the shadows at his feet. “See?” he asked and he was Gerard again, perfectly charming, weird, doorky Gerard.

Adam nodded.

 

~11~  
“Hey,” Brendon said, he was looking uncertain. Bouncing on his heels back and forth, hands in his pockets.

“Hey,” Adam said, because he had no idea what else to say. He had a slight clue why Brendon was here and why he didn't see Gerard anywhere, but maybe Gerard was still there. Hiding in the shadows. Waiting and listening. It could make a person mad just thinking about it.

“Gerard's home,” Brendon said like he could read Adam's mind, but then it wasn't hard to do that right now.

“Home?”

“Yeah, at my house. They have a closet there. It's pretty awesome, there are birds and branches on the walls and flowers. All in black and-” he stopped.

It wasn't that Adam was creeped out, except that it was totally that. “They live with you?”

“Yes, you knew that, didn't you?” Brendon asked.  
He might have heard it, but he never really took the time to think about it and now it would be the only thing he would think about. He just knew it. “Gerard is sorry he creeped you out. He tries not to scare people anymore.”

Adam remembered that Gerard had said exactly that one night when Adam had asked. “Brendon-”

“He doesn't want to come back, because he likes you and he scared you and he feels horrible. We talk on the phone all the time,” Brendon rushed on.

“He is not human.”

“What does it matter? He is a caring, loving being. He can't do shit about how he was born – not that I know if they hatch or whatever, but point is. No one can chose their parents or other DNA related stuff.” He looked meaningfully at Adam.

Adam sighed. “Do you want to give me the 'born that way' speech?”

“Maybe?” Brendon said. “Do I need to?”

Adam didn't. “No. I just need time to figure shit out.”

“You didn't speak to me for days, Adam,” Brendon answered.

“This isn't something you deal with every day. This is out of my – I don't even know! It really freaked me out. I mean, really. If bogeymen are real, what else is out there? Do I need to stock up on rocksalt and gas? Verbena?”

“I don't know. I never saw anything supernatural. Except for Mikey and Gerard and they quit their job. They aren't scaring people for money – or whatever - anymore. They try to fit in here. Into a world they don't really understand. And I love them and I know you do too. At least Gerard.”  
It was hard to argue with that: Really fucking hard. “I just want for Gerard to be happy again. Could you talk to him, over the phone?” Brendon asked.

Adam nodded. He could do that. Brendon was right, he did like Gerard. A lot and lots of things made sense when put in context to Gerard being a bogeyman.  
“I'm gonna call him. Give me his number?”

“It's my landline, actually, but whatever,” Brendon said and gave Adam the number. “I'm going to tell him that you're going to call. So, if you don't wanna do it, just say it now. He takes this stuff seriously to heart, you know?”

Adam knew. “I'm going to call.” He had no idea what he would even say, but whatever. Something would come up, he was sure of it. It had always been easy to talk to Gerard.

“Mikey said you weren't afraid of the dark as a child. And that your brother was and you were an awesome big brother.”

“Well, I had to be his hero. God knows it didn't last long,” Adam said with a smile.

“I'm sure you're still his hero, Adam,” Brendon replied softly. “People don't always let you know how they feel about you.”

Adam looked at him then. He'd known that Brendon had a crush on him, hell everyone in his band and Brendon's knew, but somehow Adam didn't think it was a crush for Brendon. For Brendon it was the real deal and he stepped back for Gerard.

“Maybe they should from time to time,” Adam said and leaned over to kiss Brendon's temple.

~+~  
Brendon was calling every night. Even Mikey was still on tour with him sometimes, he called Gerard every freaking night and sometimes during the day too, because his phone was a cordless and could be taken into the closet.

Gerard always said not to worry. Brendon couldn't help it. He could hardly wait for the tour to be over. He didn't want to see Adam every day and his band. He didn't want to deal with Pete's questions about why Mikey wasn't there and where he was and what the hell happened? And why was Gerard home? And how? Well, Brendon had lied his way through the whole thing as best as he could. He was just so tired and he missed Gerard painfully.

“Adam called,” Gerard said. There was something in his voice Brendon couldn't name and Mikey wasn't here, because he was home with Gerard. Brendon was on his own.

“He said he would. I told you he would,” Brendon answered.

There was heavy silence and Brendon waited Gerard out. Sometimes Gerard needed to gather his thoughts.  
“You did,” Gerard said. “He is still- it's not the same. You didn't care. It didn't make a difference to you.”

“Because I knew from the beginning, Gerard. You being bogeymen wasn't a big shocking discovery for me. I knew all along. Adam didn't.”

“I guess.”

“He called, that's good right?” Brendon answered.

“I wish I didn't tell him,” Gerard said. His voice was soft and he sounded far away.

“I wish you would come back. I miss you. I miss Mikey too.”

“I told Mikey he didn't have to stay with me. I am not heartbroken. Not in the human sense. Just-”

“He loves you. He loves you more than anything else. Of course he'll want to be with you when you're not well.”

Gerard laughed, but it sounded like it hurt. “He loves you too.”

Which Brendon knew. And he told Gerard exactly that too. “What are you going to do about Adam?”

“I don't know. What should I do?”

Brendon sighed. This was so freaking hard, because of all the reasons he didn't want to think about. “What do you want?” he asked.

“I want for things to be like they were before, but I am not delusional. I know it's not gonna work,” he exhaled and Brendon knew he was smoking way too much again. Not that it could kill him or anything, but still.

“I'm sure you two will work things out.”

“How?” Gerard wanted to know, because he was just that kind of pain in the ass sometimes and had to ask the tough questions.

“I don't know. I don't have all the answers,” he nearly said I'm not even legal yet, but he didn't. “But I have faith,” he added.

“You always had plenty of that. Me and Mikey liked it a lot-”

“We still like it a lot,” Mikey said.

“Hi Mikey.”

“Hi Brendon.” Mikey's voice was soft too and he could hear Gerard in the background bitching. He smiled.

“Pete is fine, but I might kill him if he doesn't stop asking obsessive questions about you.”

Mikey laughed. “Say hi for me to him and tell him not to worry and that I didn't lose my phone.”

“He's texting you all the time, isn't he?”

“Mostly at night. I can deal, but I can't always answer. Gerard is figuring stuff out and he is drawing Adam's face. It's not the good kind. I sent you some photos just five minutes ago-”

“Mikey!” Gerard was screaming and then there was a scuffle and Gerard was on the phone again. “It's not that bad.”

Brendon opened his laptop and waited for the pictures to load. It was that bad. It was Adam's face alright, but it was from that night. Versions of horror, that's what it could be described with.

“Why are you doing this to yourself?” Brendon asked gently.

“They are a reminder,” Gerard said.

“For what?”

“To never do this again.”

Brendon needed to do something and fast.

~+~  
Adam took a deep breath and looked at the house. It was a small house with a back-garden. He had no idea how Bob could have talked him into that. The phone buzzed and he looked at it.  
'If you're standing on the freaking porch, I will call you creeper for the duration of the next tour.' It was from Bob. Bob was clearly magical – Adam just didn't know if it was in a good or a bad way. He rang the bell and wrote Bob back: 'I rang the bell'.  
He was staring at his phone willing Bob to reply when the door opened. It was day outside, so it was Brendon.

“Hi,” he said and he was grinning. Clearly happy to see Adam.

Adam was happy to see him too. Stupid as it was. “Hi. I have stuff.”

Brendon raised an eyebrow and Adam backtracked mentally. He rolled his eyes. “Like clothes and shit.”

“You're staying?”

Adam shrugged. “For a while. Just until Gerard stops drawing me like I'm going to faint or burst out in tears-”

“I call it 'Versions of terror',” Brendon interrupted.

It was quiet fitting, Adam thought. “Gonna let me in?”

“Yeah. I have a guest room,” Brendon answered stepping aside. Adam grabbed his bag. It was big and still he only had the essentials in it. He would need to go shopping if he was going to stay longer than a week. Which he was.

He followed Brendon and nearly tripped over him when he stopped at a door. It was dark purple and there were strange shapes on it. He just knew it was where the bogeymen lived.  
“Are they sleeping?”

“Probably,” Brendon answered.

“We're not,” came Mikey's voice.

Brendon sat down on the floor and put his hand to the door. “You should. Adam's here.”

“Hi Adam,” Gerard said and Adam dropped his bag and sat down next to Brendon. He leaned his head against the door. He had missed Gerard. All the weird talk and pictures on napkins and how he just got some things and didn't get others at all.

“Hi Gerard,” he answered and even to his own ears his voice sounded too soft. The darkness under the door began to shift and Adam took a deep breath and stayed exactly where he was. It helped that Brendon had grabbed his hand and was holding on.

“You came.”

“Yes,” Adam answered.

“Why?” and there was real curiosity behind that question. Like Gerard didn't really know.

“I missed you,” Adam said, because sometimes honesty was the only way to make things work.

“Adam-”

“And I like it better when you paint me in shades of glitter,” Adam interrupted.

He could hear a laugh on the other side of the door. “Besides,” Adam continued, “don't you know? Boys that glitter love the dark.”

Brendon leaned into him and Adam squeezed his hand.

end


End file.
